i forgot to mention that zen applied me to several apartments in boston housing when he was here. although, he DID seem to be pretty discouraging- so that may have added to why i seemed so frustrated last post. then i think about some apartment that i DID tour when i went to boston and they gave me an application number in the 60's and i think about what the number was a few months when i checked and i'm pretty sure it was 500 something. zen claimed that it'd probably take around 2 years for the apartment to be available and i'm really doubting that. he's probably just being a negative nancy so i don't get disappointed since it's taking so long.
at sabathani today i answered the phone and there was a guy who called me asking if sabathani had any intepreters, i said, "uh.. what language?" then the guy said, "spanish." then i said, "well.. i'm learning spanish now.. so i'm not completely sure i'll be able to understand everything you say but i can do my best to improvise.." then he told me google told him that sabathani helps with rental assistance resources and if i could connect him to someone who will be able to help him. i connected him to the guy who helps with homeless prevention. i hope he got the help he called for.
i also scheduled an interview with a hotel on wednesday at 3.. and another hotel just asked to have an interview with me from 1:30-2 this friday. i feel like i may have been referred to the hotel that i'm interviewing on wednesday by the lady i just interviewed with last week because i remember her name and i'm pretty sure i remember her asking me if i'd be open to work at the hotel that scheduled the interview with me today on wednesday because she was trying to see if she could find a position for me at the hotel i interviewed at last week and then just suggested that i work at this particular hotel that scheduled an interview with me on wednesday. i was just thinking about how my grandma had been so discouraging to working receptionist jobs. she always tried to get in my mind that working a data entry job would be the wisest choice for me. i was thinking about that lately and i'm sure it's because she was such a damn nervous person who worried about if i'd make mistakes conversing with other people and if i'd say something wrong that would get me fired, so i'd feel like a failure or some shit- i'm not exactly sure of the bullshit that nervous people think all the time.. it just doesn't interest me either to try to understand. i say that she was discouraging about the receptionist job because i remember whenever i'd tell her that i seen a receptionist job that was interesting, i remember her saying, "well.. you'd have to deal with RUDE people with attitudes and you don't really wanna do that now, do you? no.." she was a bit over-protective and slightly controlling even when it came to me working a job. which is probably the reason why she never really seen me working much of an ACTUAL job when she was alive. i'm pretty sure she was alive to see me working the job at pc's for people but other than that- she didn't know how to encourage me in the way i needed to be encouraged and supported and she was aware of this which is why i went to courage kenny for most of the time she was alive.. i always stressed my frustration with them not ACTUALLY assisting me so i progressed which is why she found tram holloway who ACTUALLY got me ambulatory with his ARP therapy. THAT'S REALLY HOW I BECAME AMBULATORY IN MY LIFE AND ACTUALLY WORKING. AMANDA ASSUMES THAT COURAGE KENNY DID ALL THIS SHIT BECAUSE SHE ASSUMES I'M MENTALLY DISABLED AND I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE HOW MUCH THEY HELPED ME! EASY TO SAY AND THINK WHEN YOU NEVER FUCKING SPOKE TO ME OR SEEN ME EXERCISING IN REHABILITATION EVER TO EVEN KNOW THAT I DID IT (OTHER THAN THE OLD ASS CELL PHONE VIDEOS TAKEN AT LEAST 15 OR SO YEARS AGO WHEN MY GRANDMA WAS ACTUALLY ALIVE). IT MAY HAVE WORKED FOR ME BACK THEN BUT THINGS CHANGE! *GASP* I WORKED MY ASS OFF SO I COULD LIVE INDEPENDENTLY AND HAPPY IN ANOTHER STATE.. NOT THIS UNOPPORTUNISTIC STATE. IT TOOK ME OVER 20 DAMN YEARS TO GET WORKING AN ACTUAL JOB TO BE USEFUL TO THIS ECONOMY JUST BECAUSE I LIVE IN THIS STATE WITHOUT MANY OPPORTUNITIES FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME. I'M NOT SURE IF I SHOULD BLAME MY GRANDMA FOR KEEPING ME IN HER COMFORT BUBBLE OR THE STUPID STATE ITSELF. i just hope these interviews go well tomorrow because i'm mentally kicking my own ass for being so inactive. i feel like a damn failure. something amanda and probably anyone else couldn't really relate with. the more constructive and busy i am- THE BETTER I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF! *GASP* courage kenny doesn't help shit with my damn future either.. i tried telling past employers at my previous interviews that i attended courage kenny in the time i wasn't working and that didn't interest them in hiring me. how do i know that you ask? BECAUSE I STAYED UNEMPLOYED UNTIL I ACTUALLY GOT OUT AND HELPED WITH PHILANDO'S MEMORIAL- WHICH I DID BECAUSE I WANTED TO. NOT BECAUSE STUPID COURAGE KENNY WANTED ME TO- I HADN'T WENT TO THAT SHITHOLE IN AT LEAST 5 YEARS I THINK, SO DON'T EVEN TRY TO BRING THAT BULLSHIT UP. i just hope someone actually realizes all the hard work i've done- NOT TO MAKE ME LIVE IN AN INOPPORTUNE RACIST ASS STATE LIKE MINNESOTA. JUST because shit works for YOU here, does NOT mean that it works for EVERYONE ELSE. i still remember crying to my grandma when i was younger because some kid called me a "nigger".. THAT'S THE KINDA SHIT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH. DON'T START TO SAY THAT YOU CAN FUCKING RELATE OR HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON WITH ME BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T. LET THE ADULTS DEAL WITH THIS!
No comments:
Post a Comment